DWTS Season 22, Week 03
REVIEW: Mischa & Atrem
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with the utmost somberness and solemnity that I regret to inform you of yet another Dancing Death within
the recent string of deaths occurring in the world of Ballroom made once again
by the Glitter Dome’s Gruesome Gal …Dancing a Slop bucket of a Samba, it’s Ballroom’s
newest Blight, Mischa Barton,
and her “Give-this-man-a-raise!”-Professional partner, Artem Chigvintsev.
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Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 03
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(What did we, the Fans, ever do to the Show to deserve this?)
Yesiree, folks, performing yet another horridly horrific Latin Routine, it’s Mirthless Mischa, scarring us all with yet another Dancing Eyesore!
ZERO lack of Rhythm and Musicality (Good grief, people, she couldn’t even CLAP on time!), Gasp-inducing Footwork, and a downright Deplorable Frame brought this so-called “Dance” shockingly to life just before it died again, all before our very (terror-filled) eyes on Monday night’s Dance Floor!
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Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 03
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… And yet, despite all of these Ballroom Atrocities being committed right there on live Television, the important thing to remember here, Fellow Victims, is that (according to Barton) it is NOT her fault!
“I was relying on YOU to make it a positive experience!” scolded Mischa to her poor Pro, Artem, following her Week 02 Performance (as shown in her Week 03 Rehearsal Package).
“I can’t do another Week of this!” she complained, “He’s [Artem’s] not getting it and it’s horrible for me!”
(“Horrible” for YOU?! What about us, the Viewers? Do you honestly think that WE want to watch this horrendous flailing you’ve had the nerve to call “Dancing”?!!)
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Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 03
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“I’ve always been a very ‘Instinctual’, ‘Reactive’ person,” Mischa went on to further expound during her Rehearsal Footage - Oh, THERE’S two words for a “Self-obsessed Brooder” that I’ve never heard before … - just before executing, what I feel confident was, one of the WORST SAMBAS ever seen on this Program!
Still, as Mischa herself noted, following her Samba, not all was a complete loss, “… It’s been really fun to dance with the Troupe!”
Oh. Oh, I see what you mean there, Barton … “It’s been really fun to dance with the Troupe” as long as said “Troupe” pads you from the big, bad Artem, is that it?
I am so very sincerely glad that you are gone from the Show! … I mean, honestly, WHAT a waste of space and time!!
See video (below) to watch Mischa & Artem's Samba on Week 03 of DWTS, Courtesy of Dancing With The Stars' great YouTube channel!
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