DWTS Season 22, Week 05
REVIEW: Wanya & Witney
Dancing a But-you-just-don’t-understand,-Witney,-I-already-know-what-I’m-doing!-Tango to “Hold back the River” by James Bay, it’s “Wannabe Wanya” Morris and his
INCREDIBLY-patient Dancing partner, Witney
Carson.
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Wanya & Witney
DWTS Season 22, Week 05
- Switch-up Week
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“The ‘Switch Up’ kinda sucks, in my opinion!” stated Mirror Ball Champion Pro, Witney, in hers and Wanya’s Week 05 pre-Dance Rehearsal Package; AND, given the state of Wanya-things, I can’t say that I blame her!
(Seriously, Wanya, could you be any more full of yourself?)
Performing his worst and (Oh shucks, folks, let’s just say it!) most depressing dance to date while on this show (C’MON, it should have been like watching “Alfonso & Witney: Part Two”, right???) Wanya had apparently (in my opinion) decided on this, the 5th Week of Season 22’s Competition, that he no longer needed ANY Instruction within the Art of Dance, as he already knows, understands, and can easily (with the absolute MINIMAL amount of effort required) Execute any and all of the Tango’s Steps and Positions!
… Too bad all of that “Inherent Knowledge” didn’t pay off for him in the end; however, as his Sloppy Footwork, Deplorably Unhinged Frame, and Dead-Pan Facial Expression exhibited while performing this typically fiercely passionate Dance!
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Wanya & Witney
DWTS Season 22, Week 05
- Switch-up Week
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“When you say ‘Ronde’, I’m thinking I’m supposed to ‘Ronde’. Don’t do that no more, alright?!” Wanya reproved Witney with during their Week 05 Rehearsals together, also declaring at Witney when she tried improving some of the Steps in the Tango’s Choreography: “NO! No, no, no, no! … Here we go, we’re not doing that! I can get it!”
(Um, yes, well, not to interrupt or insult all the “Dancing Awesomeness” that apparently oozes from Wanya’s every Piss-soaked Facial Pore - Seriously, Did anyone else catch that more-than-disturbing revelation from Wanya about himself during Monday night’s show?? - But, I have a question that I just wanted to insert here …
What the heck is the matter with you, Wanya?!
“The most challenging thing about Switch Up is getting to know the new way of teaching,” Wanya also remarked during his pre-Dance Package … Okay! Duly and (I guess!) sympathetically noted; so, ... what, then? You just decided that you weren’t going to listen AT ALL??!
“You gotta do it faster than that, Sweetheart!”, an aggravated-sounding Wanya also corrected Witney during his Rehearsal Package.
Um, ... No, ... that’s where you’ve got it wrong, “Wanya”, you should be grateful to Witney who played every bit the part of a TRUE Professional, and sweetly graced you with her IMMENSE Talent and Efforts, regardless of your Verbal Batterings, Choreographing one Stupendous Tango!
“… You know, for you [Wanya], it’s been like a trip on the River,” Head Judge, Len Goodman, stated following Wanya’s Terrible Tango-ing Performance. “You’ve just cruised along, without a care in the world! Well, tonight you hit Turbulent Waters, my friend; because, for me … it was hectic, and [with] too many moving parts! This <Positioning his Upper Body into a Perfect Frame> has got to stay calm! THIS is in one piece, stays calm, doesn’t move! It was too much going on …”
“So, I feel like you’re that Couple that has so many Great Expectations,” observed Guest Judge, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, “You know, because of all the Performances you’ve done in the past … this is Week 05 and you’ve [addressing Wanya directly] had amazing Numbers that you’ve already pulled out; and, uh, we expected better! You know, I agree with Len: Tango is all about NOTHING moving on Top [and] everything happening on the Bottom. There was a lot of moving parts … You know, we always talk about ‘Frame’ being the hardest thing to do; and, uh, it felt like it was a little, you know, ‘Falling Apart’! …”
“Falling Apart” indeed, as Wanya (and yes, poor Witney too!) went on to receive some of the Night’s lowest Scored Marks.
… And it's aaallll because of you, Wanya!
Don't worry, Wit. You're choreography was, once again, stellar! Come back next week and kick some @ $$ with Von!
See video (below) to watch Wanya & Witney's Tango on Week 05 of DWTS, courtesy of Dancing With The Stars' great YouTube channel!
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