Mischa Barton Eliminated on DWTS Season 22, Week 03.
So DWTS
and company officially waved (what sure seemed like) a grateful “Buh-Bye” to
the Bitter Ballroom Blues on Monday, as the ever-morose Mischa Barton was Eliminated from the Dance Program.
Only 3 Weeks into the show’s newest Season and
ALREADY a long time in coming, Mirthless
Mischa leaves her mark on America’s beloved Glitter Dome as one of the
saddest (in EVERY sense of the word!)
Competitors to have ever (dis-) graced the Ballroom!
(<Shudder> I mean, “Sheesh!”, right?!WHAT a
Dancing Downer!!)
“It’s been a wonderful experience, it really has.” Barton commented during her
Monday Night exit.
(REALLY??It has???‘Cause for us, it’s been kinda horrible!) Oh, let’s not kid ourselves, Mischa!… You’ve (In my opinion) abhorred every
moment and so have we. … And, to hear
to you complain about it, it’s ALLArtem’s fault …
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with the utmost somberness and solemnity that I regret to inform you of yet another Dancing Death within
the recent string of deaths occurring in the world of Ballroom made once again
by the Glitter Dome’s Gruesome Gal …Dancing a Slop bucket of a Samba, it’s Ballroom’s
newest Blight, Mischa Barton,
and her “Give-this-man-a-raise!”-Professional partner, Artem Chigvintsev.
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 03
(What did we, the Fans, ever do to the Show to
deserve this?)
Yesiree, folks, performing yet another horridly
horrific Latin Routine, it’s MirthlessMischa, scarring us all with yet another Dancing Eyesore!
ZERO lack of Rhythm and Musicality (Good grief,
people, she couldn’t even CLAP on time!), Gasp-inducing Footwork, and a
downright Deplorable Frame brought this so-called “Dance” shockingly to life
just before it died again, all before our very (terror-filled) eyes on Monday
night’s Dance Floor!
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 03
… And yet, despite all of these Ballroom Atrocities
being committed right there on live Television, the important thing to remember
here, Fellow Victims, is that (according to Barton) it is NOT her fault!
“I was relying on YOU to make it a positive
experience!” scolded Mischa
to her poor Pro, Artem,
following her Week 02 Performance (as shown in her Week 03 Rehearsal Package).
“I can’t do another Week of this!” she complained,
“He’s [Artem’s] not getting it and it’s horrible for me!”
(“Horrible” for YOU?!What about us, the Viewers?Do you honestly think that WE want to watch
this horrendous flailing you’ve had the nerve to call “Dancing”?!!)
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 03
“I’ve always been a very ‘Instinctual’, ‘Reactive’
person,” Mischa went on to further expound during her Rehearsal Footage - Oh, THERE’S two words for a “Self-obsessed
Brooder” that I’ve never heard before …
- just before executing, what I
feel confident was, one of the WORST
SAMBAS ever seen on this Program!
Still, as Mischa herself noted, following her Samba,
not all was a complete loss, “…
It’s been really fun to dance with the Troupe!”
Oh.Oh, I see
what you mean there, Barton … “It’s been really fun to dance with the Troupe”
as long as said “Troupe” pads you from the big, bad Artem, is that it?
I am so very sincerely glad that you are gone from
the Show!… I mean, honestly, WHAT a
waste of space and time!!
See video (below) to watch Mischa & Artem's Samba on Week 03 of DWTS, Courtesy of Dancing With The Stars' great YouTube channel!
“Dancing” (Just not in the traditional sense of the word, I guess!) the Cha-Cha to “Pata Pata”
by Miriam Makeba, it’s Mischa “It’s not MY fault!” Barton,
and her poor, poor (poor, POOR!) Professional partner, Artem Chivintsev!
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 02
It was Artem’s
“strict” Teaching Method; it was the lack of Music in Rehearsal; it was the Live Music during the actual
Performance; it was the too-difficult, Choreographed Steps; it was the
uncomfortable (given the way she was constantly slouching in it and tugging at
it) Dress … Oh, heck! It may have even
been that non-existent Fly buzzing
‘round the Ballroom! … It was ANYTHING
(… anything, anything, ANYTHING!) but
Mischa’s own fault that that
Dance was so (Oh, what’s the word?) … HORRIFIC!!
Well, make no mistake, “Blues” Barton, (and don’t kid yourself now) that was all you,
Sad Sack!
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 02
… And let me tell you that
the ensuing outcome was sooo much
worse than you had feared.
(But, hey!Cheer up (if that’s possible), not ALL is so very bleak!
… Now we (the Fans) can all dread next Week’s
Routine with you!
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 02
I mean, after all, what’s that saying about Misery
loving company?…
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 02
See video (below) to watch Mischa & Artem's Cha-cha on Week 02 of DWTS, Courtesy of Dancing With The Stars' great YouTube channel!
I see Dancing People!… And let me tell you, folks, the incurring
result is no less freakishly frightening than that of TheSixth Sense’s
Gruesomely Grim Ghosts and Ghouls of the 1990s!!
Dancing a watered-down Tango (Perhaps in an effort
to better match Mischa’s
seemingly always watering eyes) to “In the Night” (Waste of a perfectly good
Tango Song, really!) by The Weeknd,
Mischa Barton and her
Professional partner, Artem
Chigvintsev, submitted their Week 01 Performance.
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 01
Wow!Truly,
that was so awful, I’m not even really sure what to say!
“That wasn’t Dance, it was Walking!” chided Head
Judge, Len Goodman, concerning
the Death of the age-old Dance! Oooo, yes!!Thank you, Len, and
well said!Now I think I’ll take it from
here …
WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT??!!!
Because I can sure as heck tell you what it WASN’T
… The Tango!
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 01
An overall Epic Fail of a Routine, what should have (stereotypically) been an
exquisite exhibition of Fierce Attack, Formidable Frame, Emoting Passion, and
Strong, Defiant Lines was instead tragically traded in for a Weak, Watery-eyed
Attitude, a Non-Existent Framing, just about all the Emoting Passion of a
common Rock, and Lines with the general disposition of a wilted Flower Petal!
Mischa & Artem
DWTS Season 22, Week 01
Not to mention (and to make matters worse!), Mischa
went on to display (in my opinion), following her low-scored Dance of all 5’s,
a detestable amount of ill manners
and self-disillusion when she chose to blame her horrific efforts - if they
could even be called that - on her partner Artem’s
strict Teaching Method and her own lack of Dance experience.
Oh, Pleeeease!!Good grief, Mischa, how “strict” could Artem
be, because it certainly seems clear that YOU felt less than driven when it
came down to executing this Routine!
And you can quit your whining about “Dance
experience” as well, as you yourself have elected to join up with what is an (Stay with me, now …) AMATURE, Celebrity Competition!
Honestly, Barton,
do try and keep up.
See video (below) to watch Mischa & Artem's Tango on Week 01 of DWTS, Courtesy of Dancing With The Stars' great YouTube channel!
British-American Stage, Television, and Film Actress,
Mischa Barton, is set to join
Dancing With The Stars as part of its
new, Spring Cast for Season 22.
Mischa & Artem
Making her Screen Debut as an appearance on the set
of Television’s hit Soap Opera series, All
My Children, in 1996, Barton
is also noted for her past, Childhood Roles in Films such as Notting Hill (1999) and Sixth Sense (1999).
“… Just for Films,” Mischa has remarked, concerning her previous Dance
experiences, “like, you know, I’ve done Modern and Interpretive Dance for one
Film, and then I played a character that was a Ballerina … I did, like,
Carnegie Hall growing up in New York, as a kid, too, so I’m pretty used to the
Ballet.”
“I think [regarding Ballroom] it’s, like, totally
different to what I’m used to … and I’m used to training for things; so, but
this time people will get to see me do it.”
Partnered
with DWTS Pro and Strictly Come Dancing Mirror Ball
Winner, Artem “The Terminator”
Chigvintsev, Mischa predicted to her new Dance partner, “… You’ll
probably manage to break me,” before adding the tease, “we’ll see!”
“Hey, it is not my intention to ‘break’ anyone!”
returned Artem, with a smile.
“Okay, ‘Terminator’!” laughed Barton in response,
using Chigvintsev’s
self-professed Nick name.
Mischa & Artem
“… The point is …” concluded Artem more soberly,
“I’m always looking forward to another Season, another story.It’s gonna be a different challenge – every
Partner is so different in their own way – so, we’re just gonna, you know, give
it a go … and then, see how it goes! … I’m not gonna say ‘I’m not competitive -
Yes I am! - but, with the reasons! [sic] … I don’t wanna make it ‘not fun’ for
my partner!”
